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2002-05-01 - 9:47 p.m.

It's the November 27, 2001 issue, on page 8.



Tom Terrific! Hero turkey saves family--just days before Thanksgiving!

Potter's Town, N.C. -- All six members of Bill Shomblack's family planned to chow down on ham for Thanksgiving--after the butterball they raised to eat for the holiday saved them from sure death in a raging inferno!

Had it not been for the heroic gobbler, everyone from toddling, 2-year-old Jimmy Shomblack to 90-year-old Elma Shomblack would have been turned into a lifeless crisp, firefighters in this remote mountain area report.

The entire family reportedly was fast asleep in their 115-year-old wood-frame home when a smoldering cigarette fell from the ashtray on 10-year-old Kenny Shomblack's night table and landed on his favorite teddy bear, igniting it.

Within minutes, said newspapers, flames spread from the teddy bear to his gun collection, back to his other stuffed animals.

But Kenny and his family continued to sleep, completely oblivious to the smell of the burning synthetic cotton and sizzling gunpowder...


Bill's 85-year-old Uncle Leonard heard "gobble, gobble" and felt something pinch his testicles through his underwear. He looked down and saw the family turkey frantically hovering over him and pecking at his, ah, package. His teeth not being in, Uncle Leonard screamed "as loudly as his gums would let him" and ran into the hallway, waking up the rest of the family, who all ran out into the hallway, where they all noticed the turkey jumping up and down in distress, its "its fire-truck-red wattle shaking like a distress signal."

The brave bird led them downstairs and out through an open kitchen window to safety, and when it was sure the entire family was out of the house, it turned around and went back to its pen (which was presumably outside the house.)



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